#39 Pause in the Discomfort

How often do you find yourself in an uncomfortable position/state of mind and turn away to avoid the Discomfort?

Let's talk about finding the strength to pause, 

• feel the Discomfort
• acknowledge our role in causing the Discomfort
• drain the undesirable
• and the shift forward into the cleared-out space

 Thank you for joining me, and I hope you can shift today into a greater tomorrow.

Happy Day
Alison Schuh Hawsey
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Shift today into a greater tomorrow...@alisonschuhhawsey

Transcript

Greetings Welcome to Shift Today with Alison and Insight Timer

I'm your host Alison Schuh Hawsey, and I'm a super fan of energy work, mindfulness, and being the best I can be.

Foundation Fundamentals when working with me:

1. You are in charge of your feelings, and I am in control of my feelings.
2. You have an abundance of choices.
3. There is a difference between expectation and intention
4. Wisdom arrives when you're ready to live it, whether you're 5 or 105
5. Remember not to be so serious all the time.

Today's topic is the Pause in the Discomfort.

How often do you find yourself in an uncomfortable position/state of mind, and you turn away to avoid the Discomfort?

Let's talk about finding the strength to pause, 

• feel the Discomfort
• acknowledge our role of causing the Discomfort
• drain the undesirable
• and the shift forward into the cleared out space

Let's begin with flushing out the feeling of Discomfort.

• What are the facts of Discomfort
• Are you projecting your Discomfort
• Are you judging the situation, person, or yourself

Flushing out feelings of Discomfort can really suck.

As a human, we tend to project rather than feel or sink in and acknowledge the yuck.

The yuck or Discomfort can be sticky. Why? Because we give it the power to stick around because we have trained ourselves to be comfortable to be angry, frustrated, lonely, mad, sad, etc. We tend to prepare ourselves to hold on and overanalyze the heck out of negative feelings and situations instead of acknowledging the facts of reality.

So what does it mean to stay present and feel?

Simply that stay present!

• Don't turn to a list of what could've, should've, or might happen – this is called illusions. Are you a magician?
• Stick to the facts. If you don't have the facts, don't seek someone else's bag of illusions.
• By staying present, you're honoring the truth.

How often do we get stuck in seeking the answer to why?

• Why don't they love me
• Why can't they hear me
• Why did they leave me

Examples: wedding, reunions, pool time, summer school, back to the office

• Some of you might have an upcoming event with people whom you haven't gelled with in the past and with who you know your energy just doesn't match. Your vibes are different – this is 100% me! Do you find yourself judging everyone else, along with yourself, and you're already making up scenarios – right – assuming before you get together, how someone is already going to behave, etc.?
• Guess what you're also setting yourself up for failure to not be present and accept reality.
• What you can do is prepare to be the best you that you can be and lead with the intention that you're going to be open to seeing folks you haven't seen in a while, and they might have had changed as much as you have in the past few months, years, etc. – however long it has been.
• Sometimes it pays to give someone the benefit of the doubt because wouldn't you want the same in return?
• And if this is impossible for you to do, then here is a phrase I use - sometimes I speak it out loud, but mostly I speak it internally. I wish you well, but I don't want you back. 

Pay attention to when you might be projecting your feelings.

We tend to get super uncomfortable when we're projecting. Sometimes not realizing we're projecting – when we need to be focused on acknowledging what's going on inside us.

Example – Relationships

• Friendships/ lovers/partners/
• When we meet someone, we're typically on our best behavior until we start to get comfortable, and then over time, we relax, and we both begin to be more authentic.
• Reminder people show you who they are – let's repeat this
• People show us who they are, and guess what we show them who we are too

Acknowledgment is KEY!

We need to make sure that we remain aware and admit that sometimes we play the leading role in our own Discomfort.

• Here's something to remember: As adults, we have the power to project ourselves as a positive flawed role model for the younger generations so that they're not searching for the answers that we're here today searching for as adults. 

Examples 

• If you have a hard time getting out of bed because your partner has left you, this is on you, not them. Feel your feels, acknowledge your part in the break-up, and this could simply be that you were in a weak mental state and couldn't walk away when your intuition was trying to tell you. 
• If you're struggling to find your dream job, then maybe this is a sign you're not listening to your intuition, yet you're chasing another illusion. 
  • Fulfillment of reality comes from the connection with your intuition through intention. 
  • Illusions are the cousin to expectations.
• If your divorce is someone else's fault, then ask yourself why did you stay? There is probably a laundry list of what the other person has done but remember to stay present in the facts of why you stayed.
• Are you an adult still waiting for your parents to love you exactly the way you want them to?
• Or are you a parent frustrated with your adult child who isn't loving you the way you want them to?

Recently I had a client with this very issue. Her son was a 27 yr old college graduate, no job, living at home, gaming all day, sleeping, complaining, and was making no effort to do anything to change his life. I asked, so why should he? He's not being held accountable, so he's taking advantage of all the benefits you're giving him. OUCH!

Time to shift. My house my rules. If you don't like them, then you have to find a new place to live. You need to find a job to support yourself as I have done a poor job enabling your behavior, so I'm making a change in my life to allow you to live the life you want to live, not the life I want you to live.

It's time to stop complaining and open the drain to release and let go of what we do NOT desire in life. 

Shift complaining, to it's time to participate in active solutions. 

I was once in a place where I held onto feelings for so long that I forgot why I was holding on to them. I was giving my power away to something invisible and throwing my energy, my vibration, off.

Let's see if you connect with this statement - Friendships, love relationships, work, parenting relationships are never as vibrant as when they first begin. Right?

They all begin with so much joy, passion, and wonder that it feels as if it'll be that way forever. Then life happens. 

There are two types of relationships 

• Some continue to grow because we nurture them with the intention of learning and growing together.
• While some fizzle out because the expectations are suffocating everyone involved. 

Think of them this way. The relationships based on intention seem effortless and infinite, kind of like an hourglass, the infinity symbol. While others are like being on a ladder, you make three strides forward and then fall ten-step backward. 

• BFFs change
• Lovers' spark dwindles and will only survive if you genuinely like each other. 
• Parents can't wait to be parents and become overwhelmed when they realize it's not all about cute pictures and snuggles. 

We get into cycles, stacking should shields, we're exhausted, bored, lonely, annoyed with one another, and we lose ourselves, and then we feel stuck, and it's all someone else's fault. 

When the blame game is laid out, and the pieces start to be assigned, this is the bullhorn telling us that we need to regroup and reconnect within, connect with our intuition and get back to leading with intention. 

This will help you find the plug and pull the drain.

Think of this as your sink is full of water, and you've washed an epic amount of dishes, so many dishes that you can't even see the drain. It's time to get dirty, reach-in, face the feelings, acknowledge your part, and release the drain. Release the expectations of yourself and the other players and get back to reality. 

Ask yourself 

• How do I begin my day?
• How do I feel about myself?
• What do I need to do to be my best self today?
• Am I leading by example or following someone else's script?
• Do I need help? There are strengths in numbers. 

Here's a story of a time when my intention and intuition began to align. I 100% paid attention to the signs that were being laid out in front of me:

• FNB Chicago story 

When opportunities present themselves, why do we ignore them, why do we let others talk us out of them, or worse, why do we talk ourselves out of them?

STOP! And start living the life you're meant to live.

Honor yourself by listening to your intuition. It will lead you towards wisdom that is ready to be felt and clarity prepared to be seen.

Just for today...if you're feeling Discomfort, take a moment to pause:

• feel the Discomfort
• acknowledge your role of causing the Discomfort
• drain the undesirable
• and the shift forward into the cleared out space

I believe in you. I know you can do it!

Until next time I hope you're able to shift today into a greater tomorrow.