You might want to grab a journal or something to write with because I'll end this episode with a bit of prompt exercise with the intention of helping you identify your Should Shields to release so you can shift today into a greater tomorrow.
Thank you for joining me today.
Foundation Fundamentals when working with me:
- You are in charge of your feelings, and I am in control of my feelings.
- You have an abundance of choices.
- There is a difference between expectation and intention
- Wisdom arrives when you're ready to live it, whether you're 5 or 105
- Remember not to be so serious all the time.
- Today we're talking about Should Shields and recognizing them and releasing or shifting them into a more positive direction.
- So what does a Should Shield look like to you, and how does it make you feel?
Definition of a Should Shields - should's stacked against us, and the should's we stack against others.
Examples:
- You shouldn't eat that it'll make you fat.
- You shouldn't wear that, what will people think?
- You should be friends with this person and shouldn't associate with that one.
- You shouldn't feel that way
- You should meditate
- You should attend college
- You should get married, and you shouldn't get divorced
- You should love them. They are your family
- You should buy a house
- You should have a baby
- You shouldn't pursue your dream because you won't make any money
- You should do exactly what I say
- Get my drift?
Do you connect with any of these Should Shield examples?
Now keep in mind this concept; these behaviors and demands go both ways.
How often, and yes, we all do it, do you barricade yourself behind your own Should Shields?
Why? Because this is a taught and learned behavior from the moment we're born.
Now I'm not saying they're all bad, but I do believe there are other ways to approach this way of teaching by engaging our intuition and the art of listening to uncover and share our wisdom.
But first, we all need to acknowledge the Should Shields when they present themselves so that we can move forward productively and positively.
I have found acknowledgment to be the key to unlocking what we need to heal, so here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- What are the Should Shields that you face daily from others
- What are the Should Shields you put up to hold yourself back
- What are the Should Shields you stack against others - YIKES
Shields are a two-way street. We give some, and we get some.
It's a fact of life. But if we're going to shine the light on what we feel others are stacking against us, we need to get honest and acknowledge what we're stacking against others.
Here is the Release
Now, if you were to remove the word, should from your vocabulary, what would it look and feel like to you?
How would you behave, react, and live without the many "Should Shields" that surround you?
Ok, now let's find the release from projecting Should's and shift to a new perspective by focusing on the art of listening by living with intention through our intuition.
Here is a simple solution. Replace the word should with the word why.
Why is a question where should is a command or demand?
Why not only will it cause you to pause, but it also can be delivered with thoughtful concern for another.
Examples of releasing a SS to leading with a why
- SS that you might give yourself:
- Stop eating that cookie, or else you'll get fat, and what will everyone think if I keep gaining weight.
- Shift thought to - one cookie isn't going to kill me, but why don't I have an apple or a glass of water instead and save it for dessert. It's my body, and I'm going to show it some love.
- SS that we might give to our kids or spouse:
- It would help if you did exactly what I say when I say it, the way I want it done.
- Shift the thought to – why don't we work together and make sure we both understand what needs to be done, because you can't read my mind, you learn differently than I do, and maybe I need to make sure you understand what I need so that you can succeed and I won't keep getting frustrated.
- When it comes to parenting – first recognize your child. Whether they are 3 or 23, their brains are much younger than yours, and they don't have the years of knowledge you have gained.
- By pausing and acknowledging this process makes most moments more manageable and more comfortable - I can guarantee that your kids or partner are putting up a "Should Shield" that says – I'm not being heard, so I'm not going to listen.
- SS that you might feel from someone:
- I know they think I shouldn't do this because it makes them feel uncomfortable, so maybe I should listen to the list of how they want me to live so that they are more comfortable, and I'll stay frustrated and live behind the Should Shields.
- Shift the thought to - I can no longer live the life someone else wants me to live, even though I know they mean well.
- Why am I scared to try this? I need to remember I this is my life, and only I'm in charge of my life, so I'm going to lead with positive intentions and learn from my outcomes.
These are very generic, but I hope you get the idea of what I'm describing.
Just for today….try to recognize all the moments you find a should shield slipping in and replacing it with a question starting with why.
- Define what your Should Shields look like by making a few lists
- Make a list of Should Shields that you face daily from others
- Make a list of Should Shields you put up to hold yourself back
- Make a list of the Should Shields you stack against others – YIKES
- If you were to remove the word, should, from your life, what would it look and feel like?
- Now take a moment, even read through what you wrote for #1-3, think about what you would feel like, how you would behave, act/react, and live without the many "Should Shields" that surround you.
Thank you for joining me, and I hope you can shift today into a greater tomorrow.
